So over it!

I am on week 7 of being back on Weight Watchers and I am just SO OVER IT! I am over counting points and over writing down everything I am eating. I have always had issues with my weight and my love affair with food. I am an impulse eater. I will eat whatever is in front of me. I can scarf down 2 pieces of pizza without blinking an eye. I will go back to the appetizer table at a party over and over. Each time I leave with my mouth full of delicious food I feel guilty. I feel guilty most times when I eat. I know that it isn't healthy to have all these issues with food. I don't know where they began.

I try to figure out where it started. My mom and dad always had healthy food for us in the house. My dad made wonderful meals. My mom would make our bread. I remember the first time I ever got a slice of Wonder Bread. I never was able to buy unhealthy snacks because I never got an allowance. I started having my own money when I started to babysit at 13. I would always buy Funions and those malts that you would eat with a small wooden spoon for lunch in Junior High. I wasn't athletic so that is when I started putting on weight. I wasn't fat, just thicker.

I started playing soccer in the 9th grade. I wasn't very good but it was good exercise. I was in really good shape but still wasn't that size 0 girl. Once I went into college, I started working in restaurants and that is when I really packed on the weight. I was at my heaviest when Tom proposed to me. I look at those pictures and they make me so sad. I can't believer that I let myself get to that weight. I was 181 pounds when I went to Weight Watchers my first time. I lost 40 pounds and felt great. That was when I was 21. I am back for a 2nd tour of duty and am finding that the weight isn't falling off like it used to. It is making me depressed. I am trying not to get in that kind of funk. I know that I am not obese by any means but I am just not happy where I am at.

I want to look good for myself and for my hubbie. Tom has never put any pressure on me to be a certain weight and I love him dearly for that! He has been so supportive while I have been back on WW. He makes meals that he has figured out the points for. He tells me I am beautiful even when I don't feel it. He is amazing!

I will continue to count my points and workout 5 days a week. I will beat this addiction to food that I have. I will be healthy for my husband and my daughter. I will continue to pray about being weak and giving into food temptations. I know that God wants me to turn all my burdens over to him and he will help me be strong in all my weaknesses.